


Purpose

by tsukasabuddha



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-24 01:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2563610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukasabuddha/pseuds/tsukasabuddha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adaar, isolated from the world he is recruited to save, is drawn to Iron Bull. Bull, for his part, caught between the Qun and the life he has known outside of it. Is it selfishness to spurn imposed duty?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purpose

The cheerful mood of the celebrating Chargers helped calm Adaar's nerves as he walked his determined path towards the Iron Bull. What they were celebrating, exactly, eluded the Inquisitor. But, as the Skyhold lacked a dedicated tavern, the Chargers had come to finding some reason or another to set up a fire and mysteriously conjure up spirits in one of the base’s courtyards. Frankly, the noise of song and revelry all too often irritated Adaar late into the night. He sometimes thought he may as well join them and get something for his sleep deprivation. Tonight, however, the mood of the inebriated ruckus consoled him that even if he made a fool of himself, it would merely be part of the fun and nobody would be likely to dwell on it. If they would even remember in the morning.

“Ah, Inquisitor.” Bull noticed his presence. “Joining us today?” Bull was seated alone on a half wall, taking a relaxing and watching the party from edge. Adaar had seen him here alone from his balcony on many nights like these, and had decided that this would be the most fortuitous setting. Bull himself sat upright and was holding Adaar’s gaze

_Sober_ , he thought. _Unsure if that helps or hinders_ _._ “Un.” He nodded. _Well, those hours coming up with a clever greeting were for naught._

Bull patted the stone to his left. “Relax. Have a drink.” Adaar’s eyes followed his muscular arm to his, as always, bare chest. The firelight in the dusk casted his physique in relief. Stop staring, he chided himself. He sat quickly, trying to keep his back straight and balanced on the wall. He took a breath and hoped he did not seem tense. A Tal-Vashoth seemingly summoned by Bull’s words shoved a drink in his hands and just as quickly vanished.

Adaar stared at the drink in his hands. He did not drink. Alcohol was a luxury and sobriety an advantage. Even when he had found Valo-kas and joined their ranks he did not indulge. Too many of the Tal-Vashoth clung to ideas about drink and mages for him to feel at all welcome to such gatherings. _But tonight a “friendly” drink is the perfect opening_ , Adaar reasoned as he took a drink.

_… Disgusting._

Bull chuckled, causing Adaar to quickly look up. “Nothing, nothing,” Bull said with a small smile as he turned back to the party.

_Damn!_ Adaar took a large drink, and then another. _Now what?_ “I like your horns." _... Eloquent._

Bull turned to him with a look Adaar couldn’t read for a second, before he slowly started to smile. “Hah, really?” He slapped his hand down on Adaar’s left should.

Adaar could feel the body heat as Bull left his hand there. This was all unfamiliar territory to him. _Stop. You’re reading too much into it. This is normal for him._ He shook himself out of his spell and remembered he still had to reply. “Yes, they just give me the feeling of ‘strength’.”

“Hah, and nothing else about me does?” Bull asked cheerfully. “Your horns are very cute. The way they curl around and forward, tight to you. They suit you.” Adaar could feel his face warm. _He--No. Calm down. He said my **horns** were cute._ “You know, a lot of Tal-Vashoth cut theirs off. Obviously, mine are too strong to do that,” Bull gave a nod, “And I still follow the Qun.” he continued.

Adaar refocused. He had been afraid of discussing these sorts of topics, but at the same time he knew that to continue properly he had to address them. This time he had to voice himself carefully. “I was raised separately from the Qun and Tal-Vashoth alike. Instead of seeing their removal as a sign of danger, it would have been an act of subservience to the humans that feared them. I was born with them, so they stay.”

Bull paused to take a drink with his right hand, still holding onto Adaar with his left, before looking him in the eye, his smile gone. “I understand.”

It was a simple response, but Adaar could tell by the earnest gaze that Bull what his words really meant. It was a relief, and yet he was unsettled that he was not being so honest and direct in return. Adaar opened his mouth, but not knowing how to proceed, turned and took another drink. He was still conscious of the arm that stayed around his shoulders.

“I’m guessing you aren’t here for the fun,” Bull continued. “Figured you would play chess with Cullen or discuss politics with Dorian.”

Adaar swallowed the last of his suddenly empty mug. _Listing the pretty boys… Does he already suspect?_  “They make me… uncomfortable. My hand starts glowing and suddenly leaders show up expecting me to lead them and shape the world.” He looked down at his hand, softly glowing in the night. “They are fine people, and I wouldn’t ask for any others, but they know I am self-centered compared to their ambitions. I respect them, but it creates some distance.” He gave a forced chuckle, “And, well, there has always been the distance with humans.”

“Yes, you are a head taller, I’d wager. You’re all a bit stunted to my eye.” Bull tossed in with a smile. As a mage on a meager subsistence, Adaar never developed the bulk of his kind. But he was still taller than Cullen even without counting his horns. He had taken to slouching in a probably fruitless attempt to draw less attention and seem less foreboding. Vivienne would not stop commenting on his lack of proper “presence”. On that note, Adaar tried straightening his back again. He could never tell if he was actually right or looked ridiculous.

“You wish to run from your duty?” Bull’s question would be heresy for a Qunari to admit, but he asked it plainly and gave Adaar no sense of judgment.

“It’s not that.” Another Tal-Vashoth whisked by and replaced his mug. “I… I raised myself away from everything. Sometimes people would take me in, for a period of time, but I have always been on my own.” He took a long drink. “The first family I remember being with told me my mother died bringing me to freedom away from the Qunari,” he smirked. “I suspect that was just a tale to keep me from wanting to join my brethren.” Adaar could feel Bull’s eyes on him as he took another swallow. Maybe the alcohol gave him the courage to confide in him, but he was too afraid to look at Bull’s reaction before plowing on. “Between then and the Valos-kas I’ve met all sorts of peoples, societies, traditions, whathaveyou. To me, they are all false. Coercions. Idiocy. And then they war and pay us to help them kill each other.” The hand on his shoulder began to slowly rub up and down. _Or maybe it had been for some time and I only just noticed? And has Bull not been drinking at all?_ Adaar decided to take another swig.

“Seems our kind always become mercenaries. Do you hate it?” Again, the calm and honest tone eked the truth from him.

“... Yes.” Adaar felt his eyes begin to water. _Damn it all._

“It’s fine.” Adaar looked up at Bull’s words. “I left the Ben-Hassrath, and have stayed in these lands long enough to feel… discontented as well.” His serious demeanour broke into a slight smile. “But I do enjoy my work, amongst other things...”

_And here we are._ “I’ve heard... That is, if you don’t mind my asking, you have a reputation for… Wait, that sounds bad. You, uh…” Adaar’s ramblings drifted off as he realised he had started leaning slightly into Bull’s side.

“Ha!” Bull’s laugh reverberated from his chest and his eye seemed to gleam in the firelight. “I know what you’ve heard. I’m surprised the Herald of Andraste is so bashful. You’re not some maiden!” His smile seemed excessively wide at that comment, in Adaar’s opinion.

“Ass. I am quite healthily perverted, thank you very much. I just am not used to discussing such things.” Adaar felt his face flush again, and decided to hide it in his mug.

“Really? Then why haven’t _I_ heard tale of _your_ adventures?” Bull’s tone was still lighthearted.

“I've none but in my mind and with my hands.” _Will I ever stop blushing tonight?_ “A lone Kossith amongst humans and a mage amongst Tal-Vashoth does not provide much opportunity, or at least opportunity I would not regret in the morning.”

The hand on his shoulder stilled, and Adaar felt Bull lean in slightly. “So what is your imagined adventure?” His voice, hushed and husky, sent a thrill down Adaar’s spine. He could feel Bull’s breath on his ear.

Adaar kept his eyes downcast. “One day, when I was young and still alone in the human lands, I came across a Qunari patrol. Well, actually I hid and spied on them, but I watched in awe of their dedication and virility. The way the crimson Vitaar trailed their bodies... I only saw them briefly, but ever since I always imagined scenarios about meeting them. It was all farce, as I knew what would happen to a mage, but there was something that drew me and had me revisiting these notions. It was a comforting daydream.”

Adaar paused to empty his mug. “At first I thought I was appreciating an ideal that I wanted for myself. I have always been alone, and on the scrawny side for a Kossith, and here were these masculine deities of the Qun. As I grew older, I realised that this was a rationalisation. I wanted to bed them.” Adaar looked up into Bull’s eye for the first time since starting broaching the topic. For his part, Bull seemed focused on every word, a small crease in his brow,

“No, I wanted to _submit_ to them. My fantasies changed to them capturing me and having their way with me. Again, complete silliness given what the Qun demands, but I imagined night after night worshiping them. Or them using me violently. Sometimes all at once. Sometimes one would keep me as a pet.” Adaar’s heart raced faster and faster as he described his desires. _No going back now._

Bull, who had been staring with his mouth slightly parted, gave a chuckle and pulled Adaar even closer to his side. “No, this is no maiden here.”

Relief surged through Adaar as a tenseness he did not know he was holding swept from his body. He licked his lips and leaned his head towards Bull’s shoulder. “You know, recently it’s been you. The one who kept me. I know these are all fantasies, and I would regret the day they became real. But I think with you…”

Adaar could feel Bull’s chest expand as he took a steadying breath. “I find joy in life where I can. Sometimes it seems all I have left. Company at night has never been lacking, but that does not mean I would not wish for more. I… can see myself by your side. Your ferocity in battle and shrewdness in command made me notice you more than I did past commanders. I guess,” He scratched his head with his right hand, “I want you to know I think I understand what you want, and I would offer it. You do not need a romp.” He paused, waiting for a response.

The steady breathing of a snoozing Inquisitor was all that reached his ears. Sighing, he turned to gather him in his arms. When Bull lifted Adaar’s knees with his right arm, his head fell backwards and draped his long, silver hair down in a cascade. His robe now bunched and askew.

“They others would probably cry if they saw you now,” Bull murmured, “But I could hold you all night.” Bull walked into Skyhold headed towards the Inquisitor’s chambers, taking care to watch both their horns and Adaar’s feet. He only knocked over one vase. Perhaps a portrait. He thought he heard Sera swear some oath at him as well. But he successfully navigated the path with Adaar intact and asleep.

Disrobing the unconscious Adaar was something Bull just wouldn’t do, so he tossed the drunken Inquisitor on the bed and tucked him in, battle robes and all. “Let them fall, I think is our path… Maybe the orders of the world are lies, but we might still find Purpose with each other." He paused, studying the figure before him before turning with a sigh. "See you tomorrow.”


End file.
